Let’s get this bit out of the way:
Ten years ago, I began my work in this field as an advocate for women—many of whom happened to be victims of abuse by men. I originally created this website (and my business at large) as a female-focused platform, content to live and work from an exclusively female POV.
Along the way, I somehow managed to outgrow myself.
With the unwavering support of my biggest believers, I’m evolving into a professional entity that unapologetically welcomes human beings of every gender—a transition that involves lots of moving parts, yet feels altogether right (and rightly timed) for me.
As I make this transition, I’m phasing out old content that features my admittedly stereotypical use of male and female pronouns. While they accurately reflect the gender configurations I see most commonly within my practice—no more, and no less—I am working to update my language. I appreciate your patience and grace in the interim.
Where do I fit in?
At my latest count, 75 percent of my clients are women. That said, I’m deeply privileged to work with a few truly good men, the kind who care enough to become emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, relationally, spiritually, sexually and holistically healthy.
Trauma survivors? We’re in this thing together.
If you’re a male survivor of relational trauma—someone who is experiencing abandonment, abuse, addiction, betrayal, deception, divorce or infidelity from any angle—my heart goes out to you. I imagine you can relate to much of the language I use here on my website, even though it’s written from my voice as a female survivor.
If you feel comfortable with my substance and style, I would be honored to consider supporting you through your current crisis; if you’d prefer, I’d also be happy to help you find a male practitioner with similar training.
Problematic behaviors? We can work on that.
If you’re someone who wants to stop acting out in sexually compulsive and relationally destructive ways, but don’t hold an EQUALLY high degree of concern for helping your closest loved ones to heal from the impact of your past-or-present actions? In that case, I wish you well, but I’m simply not the right practitioner for you.
That said, if you’re serious about working to strategize healing for BOTH you own wounds AND the wounds you’ve created for others? In that case, let’s keep talking. We might be able to roll up our sleeves and get some serious work done.
What do my male clients say?
My male clients will tell you I’m tough but tenderhearted, direct yet openminded—and most importantly, that I’ll passionately advocate for you AND your loved one(s), through the best of times and the worst of times.
Here’s a recent client endorsement that left me feeling exceptionally touched and humbled; it’s written verbatim from the viewpoint of a male client who was (and remains) one of those few-yet-irrefutable “good men” in our world at large:
I had caused a great deal of damage in my marriage as a result of my addiction, and I was feeling the impact of what it had done in my relationship with my wife. Though I had guys in my group with good hearts who were willing to share their thoughts on how to repair my marriage, I recognized I needed someone who understood my wife’s perspective to give me some clarity.
I will admit, I was nervous going into my meeting with Rae, but from the first minute, I knew I was in good hands. She was able to reassure me and make me feel at ease. She surprised me by the way she spoke to me with empathy and understanding. At the same time, she was masterful in the way she gave me insights into my wife’s viewpoint about our situation, something I desperately needed.
At no point did I feel judgement or disapproval from Rae. In fact, as our time went on, I got more and more excited as she was able to open my eyes to the ways that my wife was likely feeling as a result of my actions. Her use of metaphors and personal experience gave me insights and understanding that were invaluable. It helped me to develop my sense of empathy and grief over the pain that I had caused my wife, and from that came sincere compassion which was foundational to our healing. After our conversation together, I went back to my men’s group and told them, “Guys, you have GOT to talk to this woman!”
I could not recommend Rae more highly. She was able to give me exactly what I needed at the time when I needed it; a pivotal moment that has helped my marriage improve dramatically since then. I think any man in my position would reap fantastic rewards from his work with Rae. I know I did.