March 16, 2022 Five years. It strikes me as a seemingly odd measure of time. Five trips around the sun. Twenty transitions between calendar seasons. Sixty cycles of the moon, spanning each of her glorious phases and back again. Two hundred and sixty (give or take) mid-week Wednesdays, most of them remarkably unremarkable. Five years …
Five Years Later: Remembering the Night My Marriage Died Read More »
For the last three years, I’ve celebrated December 30 (my former wedding anniversary) as the date upon which I bring new expressions of self-love into my life. For this year’s commemoration, I’m writing a set of honorary and promissory vows to myself. It’s an exercise I assign to nearly all of my clients at one …
On this date last year, life completely SHATTERED for one of my youngest coaching clients. (In the betrayal trauma world, we often call this anniversary “D Day,” referencing the date someone discovers her partner’s infidelity, online secrets and/or sex addiction.) In the past 9 years, I’ve supported many women through their “D Day” anniversaries. And …
Be still and know? Seriously God? Do you know what you’re asking? DON’T YOU SENSE THIS, GOD? That right now, I’m crawling out of my skin? This skin, by the way, that YOU put me in? This skin that looks freakishly “fine” on the outside, trapping me inside an unfathomable reality? This skin that’s supposed to …
Be Still and Know? Dear God, You Must Be Joking. Read More »
Once upon a time, I was blissfully happy. No, my life wasn’t perfect or easy. Instead, it was real. Messy, but meaningful. I lived and worked passionately within the world of pornography addiction and betrayal trauma recovery, with a job I adored and the marriage I’d always wanted. And then, without warning, it all came crashing down. My story is a bit …
How Can I Prepare for My Husband’s Next Porn Relapse Read More »
Preface: This article focuses on the experience lived by partners of sex and pornography addicts. However, if you’re a porn user yourself, I warmly invite you to keep reading! If your partner is able and willing to do so, he or she may play a positive role in protecting you both from the potential trauma of exposure to more …
Partner or Porn Police? Six Messages of Encouragement Read More »
Have you ever wondered why sexual betrayal feels keenly similar—yet remarkably different—to losing a loved one who’s physically died? In my work with women healing from sexual betrayal, I’ve identified two words that completely reframe the experience of loss and trauma we so poignantly share. Those two words are… abandonment grief. How do I define sexual abandonment? Abandonment …
Five Stages of Abandonment Grief: Healing for Survivors of Sexual Betrayal Read More »
Last Thursday was Babysitting Day. My husband and I woke up early, hopped in the car, braved morning traffic, and arrived in time for breakfast with two of our favorite family kiddos. The way I see it, Babysitting Days were made to be legendary, packed-to-the-max with high-energy fun, excitement and activity. This one was no …
Historically… I hate gardening. Growing up in the midwest, my mother spent hours planning and planting beautiful gardens around our home. She solicited my brother’s help for weeding, trimming and watering. My dad helped with heavier tasks like digging new beds and shoveling soil. Thanks to the three of them and their hard work, ours …